TorqueCrimp©

You'll never curse (over a stupid fucked off cable crimp) again. With our exclusive TorqueCrimp© even the most hamfisted of hacks can't fuck this up. 

This was inspired in 2017, when the PBMA's "Crimp it Right" campaign really struck a nerve. After a large investment in technology and a lot of trial and error this tool now exists for toolophiles everywhere, who can exact the perfect crimp 100 out of 100 times. 

This tool is a fine precision instrument that works on any color brake or derailleur cable tip. We didn't write this copy in Comic Sans so we don't expect bubbleheads to try and purchase this, just Professional Bicycle Mechanics© We are also unable to ship the BLUE handle version of this tool in North America. We do however offer a Plasti Dip© CYAN version to all North American customers for an added €2 to cover the postage necessary to ship this overseas on its journey to you. You should also not use this tool in extreme temperatures such as those found in the Arctic, the mercury torque gauge will crack and fail.

Our JUICY special for April 1st includes a B4G3 opportunity. When you purchase any 4 of the TorqueCrimp© we will pocket some money and send you 3 tools for just the price of 4. Use the code JUICY at checkout to give us extra money for nothing. 

1st shipping of this glorious TorqueCrimp© will be February 30th. Next year we do plan to offer the TorqueCrimpDefeater© This will feature handles equal in length to 24,000 Mickeys (equal to 1 Smoot minus 1'7" and also the equivalent of about 4 common feet)  with TigerGearSharkToothJaws© to get any well torqued cable crimp off of any cable anywhere. 

If at the end of the day you still want this tool, you can't have it, we will take your $9.98 and put it to good use, just add it to your cart. Thank you in advance. There will be no refunds. If you want an actual crimp tool check this out ---> PT CRIMP TOOL